Saturday, March 20, 2010

He's So Bad (Baby He Don't Care)..

The Best of Motörhead.....The other night, on the way home from dropping my Son off at a birthday party, as it was such a beautiful evening I decided to roll the windows down, open the sun roof and let Testament blaze my eyebrows. I was only rolling down the street at about 10 miles an hour. There were two reasons for this:
1. I was in a residential area and there were kids everywhere
2. On this beautiful Summer evening, I was thoroughly enjoying the fresh air and the tasty sounds Chuck Billy & Co and was in no rush to speed home.

It is a good thing that I was driving so slowly because a boy who couldn't have been any older than 3 busted out into the street about 25 feet from my car on some kind of motorized four wheel thingy. I stopped, looked around...fully expecting to see some parental units in the near vicinity. About 20 or 30 seconds go by, nothing....not a single adult in sight. Suddenly, I see the front door to one of the houses come flying open. There, on the front porch stood this dude with what is quite possibly the most glorious mullet I have ever seen. He had a cigarette in one hand, a malted beverage in the other and was wearing a black T-shirt that had a picture on the front of Sir Ian Fraser Kilmister (Not yet Knighted by the Queen but he should be)\m/. The back of the shirt read "I'm So Bad....Baby I Don't Care." He proceeded to take a drag of his smoke, a drink of his brew and shouted at the young lad in the street "Hey boy.....git yer butt up here 'fore I open a can of whoop ass." At this point, I was wondering if I should intervene. Fortunately, an older woman (probably Captain Super Mullet's Mother) who appeard quite sober came out of the house, calmly went to get the boy and brought him safely back inside. Before I drove away, I made eye contact with Mr. Motorhead shirt. He looked at me, unleashed a massive Coors inspired belch, enthusiatstically lifted his hand (the one that wasn't holding the beer) to throw me the "horns" and started laughing hysterically before stumbling back into the house. You may be wondering why I am telling you this story. What I am getting at is this, try as you may but it is just wrong put all "Metal Heads" into a single category (as many people seem to enjoy doing). This World is littered with millions of headbanging hooligans. Not all of us don a sweet mullet, get drunk in the afternoon and neglect our Children. We Metal Warriors are a diverse crowd.....we are Bankers (Scrotos), Business Owners(Dr. Beau), Hotel Managers(Dominicus), etc; The list goes on and on. That being said, you can forget about silly stereotypes. There is no need to put us all into a small category...there is enough Motorhead for us all to enjoy.....\m/..

6 comments:

  1. Have you been bringing your kids to birthday parties in Clarmont County? Is it safe to have your kids going over to Ryan Grimmit's house? Watch out for Scott Faghy that man has some crazy smells coming from his 6!

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  2. This "band that never was" pales in comparison with another "band concept that never came to be", the thundering twin bass fueled doom that was to be known as SCALLION. The distorted galloping bass lines would have had people falling to their knees thinking that Judgment Day had arrived and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse returned. The intertwining melodies of lower register power would have created a Fugue of Cacophony so intense that spleens would have ruptured throughout the tri-state area.

    There was even gonna be a drummer and a singer.

    Alas, it is for the best that SCALLION never came to be. Mankind could not have handled the power of that sonic atom bomb. The fidelity of no man's woman would have been secure at the thought of two large, sweaty men wielding that kind of raw power.

    ...and as the band left their gig on the wings of their mighty dragon, they laughed aloud at the knowledge that Satan himself cowered behind his infernal throne, pissing himself because he didn't have the balls to look upon the face of glory that was (ok, would've been) SCALLION!!

    So sayeth Ax

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  3. What in the holiness of hell?? You cannot dog the display that is Motorhead. It would be at this point in the conversation that i would have to break my marvelous brew bottle in half and slice you with it. This is Blasphemy!

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  4. How can you possibly think that I am ragging on Motorhead? They guy wearing the shirt was a loser but Motorhead totally kics my ass!

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  5. No Way...Motorhead totally rules the School as far as I am concerned. But Scallion? C'mon....

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